My tricks to faking it when flying.

I am currently umpteen thousand feet above Kansas on a hella bumpy airplane. Lord have some mercy. Feels like I’m on a coaster at Six Flags. But if someone takes my pic and tries to sell it to me like they do on those rides, they’re getting a punch to the throat. I figured I’d let you into my world in hopes that the Good Lord lands this plane on a runway in 1 hour and 53 minutes (according to my stopwatch) so you can hear all my sage wisdom. The following suggestions are time tested and limit my Kristen Wiig/Bridesmaid moments.

#1. Pray the rosary before take-off.  J/k I don’t do that / no judgement. But I do pray before every flight. You know it’s been a minute since some of you guys have prayed, so it’s probably a good idea anyway.

B) As take-off begins, start rocking your head left to right. I am dead serious. You can do this in turbulence also. It’s a great way to keep from feeling every bump or change in G-force. People behind you will think you are listening to the most boring song ever.

4. Which leads me to number 4. Listen to music. LISTEN TO IT LOUD. I used to get so freaked out with every crazy sound. Maybe it’s the luggage door opening (good thing I didn’t check a bag). Maybe it’s a landing wheel flying off. Maybe one of those spinning things just sucked up a bird. I don’t wonder any of those things anymore BECAUSE I CAN’T HEAR THEM OVER RIHANNA OR P.O.D.

#4. Look around and notice you are the only one freaking out. Kevin taught me this one. Don’t be THAT person. Everyone else is fine. Other passengers-fine. Flight attendants-fine. Your Neighbor-fine. So just be.cool.

P) Also, hold tight to some scripture. Here are some starters on “worry” I like to tell myself. You can look them up yourself...on your next flight…
-Matthew 7:33-34
-1 Peter 5:7
-Philippians 4:4-7
-Luke 12:25-26

Helpful hint: If you are an arm rest grabber then maybe give your neighbor a heads up. I have grabbed the hand of a complete stranger before when he came between me and MY armrest.  Usually they feel bad for you and are happy to oblige. I have to warn you, if you tell someone you don't like to fly, they're gonna give you that crap about how much easier it is to die in the car on the way to the airport. IIIII Knoooooow. Anyway, you grab those arm rests, close your eyes and you fly.that.plane. This method also keeps Chatty Cathys at bay. You’re welcome

Something to note…
 I used to get so mad at pilots who fly in trash. "Yes Hi, if it feels like I’m driving a stick shift down a bumpy dirt road in south Georgia, then go up or down and get out of this elevation cause it ain’t workin for ya!" Apparently there are regulations on certain elevations at certain times and they can’t go up or down. Whatev. It sounds stupid to me but that’s just what I heard. So maybe the awful air is their only option. Ooooor maybe the pilots are in there jackin around, laughin it up all “This turbulence is fun. Let’s hang around a minute longer” {fist bumps other pilot}

In the end, if the plane goes down (I hope not over water) it was all in God’s plan. He knew it was going to happen before you were ever born. #truth

Until next time,
Please enjoy this flight….but probably you won’t

Mom's 1980 wedding dress in 2014

Growing up, I didn't really know what I wanted my wedding dress to look like. As an adult, I loved Kate Middleton's dress and didn't love strapless(or maybe just the idea of pulling up a dress all night). The closer I came to needing to pick out a dress the more I thought I could make my mom's wedding dress from 34 years ago work. I tried on dresses at one store. You know, just for the experience. Let me tell you how much fun that was when you're a few sizes bigger than the sample sizes. Plus, the dress I "built" b/c they didn't sell sleeved dresses looked exactly like what I was imagining my mom's dress could turn out to be. This was all before TLC made a show out of upcycling old dresses but after that sister in 27 Dresses destroyed Katherine Heigl's hopes of ever wearing her mom's dress. So after convincing my mom(she wasn't a fan of the idea since she didn't see how I could turn her dress into something I'd actually want to wear) we started pulling ideas off Pinterest.
These sleeves - That back - This fullness - Let's Demo

The following is a heavily photographed play-by-play of my experience.

#1 Try on dress for some good laughs. Did I mention my mom is 7 inches SHORTER and was about 8 sizes SMALLER? Not annnywhere close to zipping up in the back.  

#2 Steam steam steam out those wrinkles. My mom had stored it in a black trash bag in the attic?? Good Lawd Steaming it stunk up the whole house! At this point, we send off the dress to get dry cleaned because the smell was so bad and not going anywhere. 

Mom headed to Gail K Fabrics in ATL. They sell all sorts of fabrics. We tried to find the closest thing to the old french Chantilly lace used on her dress. She said they had it stored in shoeboxes in the store! I'm so sad I didn't get to go with her. Apparently it was a really neat place. I was busy cutting wine bottle in half for table decor. Details. Anyway, she got the lace that matched-ish, to add width and satin & silk organza to add length. Ok, now stay with me...

Fitting 1: Add satin band around waist / remove sweetheart bust and make straight across / take the bell out of the sleves / add lace under arms for a wider chest / and open up the back since we all know that dress ain't nevah gonna zip

Look closely - a few inches of new(old) lace under each arm for chest width. It didn't match perfectly but no one ever noticed...or at least they didn't tell me. Either one I'm fine with :)

Next Fitting: Remove more bell in the sleeves / finalize back of dress / add length @ the bottom w/more fabric mom found to match the 34-yr-old silk organza

There was another fitting in there somewhere but I don't remember what it was for. In the end, I added a crinoline skirt and decided not to use my mom's train(although I sort-of now wish I had but oh well) Sometimes I can't believe how great it turned out. I didn't do it to save money, but that was a perk, so we also got a 2nd dress off the rack for the end of the reception dancing. LOOOOOK HOW IT TWIRLS DUH!

  

Please excuse my narcissistic hat, but not Kevin's dance moves...

Here are a few more shots...

OH and don't forget to take your Christmas card on your wedding day! Muahaha

Thanks for the dress Mom and for marring her, Dad!

if I fail...

I’m sure y’all are so tired of hearing about this race. I have been posting pictures since we registered in November. I’ve wanted to do a half Ironman since I got my first taste of triathlons in 2007. Fresh off a brake-up, I thought “you can either dive head first into a pint of ice-cream or do one of these races you’ve been thinking about doing forever”.  I spent that whole summer training for my first sprint. Since then I’ve been hooked. I’ve got no interest in doing a full Ironman. That takes a special breed of crazy and someone willing to spend way more time and money than me. Plus I honestly believe there are people genetically predispositions to be better athletes and I’m definitely not one of them.

*ok so less than two months into our marriage, this is how the conversation goes*
Me: Kevin, Chattanooga has a half Ironman in May. You want to do it? We can buy an insurance policy…
Cash: Ummm let me think about it. Let’s talk tonight.
Me: What if it sells out. I’m just gonna go for it. That’s the only way I’ll actually do it.
Cash: Ok you go ahead. I’m gonna think about it.
Me: Ok I did it!
Me: (5 Minutes later on gchat) Keviiiiin oh my goodness what if it sells out before you sign up then I’ll have to train and do the whole thing by myself can you just go ahead and sign up what have I done?!
Cash: (“Kevin is typing…”it says for a long time and then) fine sign me up…

Aaaand poof there went $500. The only way to get it back is to get pregnant or break a leg. Immediate regret ensues.

I’m pretty sure I gained 5 lbs. the second Kevin put the ring on my finger. Yea yea yea everyone says they can’t tell. Whatever. For real he had to disable the scale cause I would get on it and then have these moments of black out rage. “HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE TO GAIN SO QUICKLY” I’d be lying if I said that wasn’t a little of the motivating factor behind this race. Is that so bad?

January 1^st we started our real training. It was slow going but we eventually found a groove. 5 ½ months later I can say this journey has been so much more than I ever imagined.

When I was single and raced, training got very isolating. I was always by myself because no one else I knew had to or wanted to train the ways I needed to. I could convince my roommates to go for runs with me sometimes but most of the time I was by myself. You know just hoping some guy would run past me and ask me for a date. It could happen right? Well it didn’t.

Anyway, being married and training with my husband has been a whole new ball game. He’s my biggest supporter and he knows how much it sucks sometimes cause he’s doing it right there beside me. We pick each other up, hold each other accountable and get Tylenol for each other. When I don’t want to swim, he tells me we have to. When he makes excuses to finish a run early, I say “let’s finish together.” Plus it’s just nice to have someone to talk to on mile 47 on a long ride when I’m so bored I want to poke my eyeballs out. Did I mention, you aren’t allowed to listen to music in these races?!  8.5 hrs killing yourself physically with JUST THE THOUGHTS IN YOUR HEAD!!! It’s enough to make ya crazy.

So the big race is in two days. And what if I fail…

First of all, let me make it clear, I do not plan to/think we will fail. We are ready for this. I may be the last person to cross the finish line, but I truly believe we will. If however, on the swim I get swallered up by a catfish the size ofa Vdubya Bug(says Trav), or blowout a tire on mile 27 of the bike, or a thunderstorm  pulls me off at mile 9 of the run(there’s a 60% chance of scattered t-storms right now), I will know and hold on to these truths…

- Kevin & I see what’s possible when we dedicate ourselves to doing something really freakin hard TOGETHER.
-We’ve sacrificed a lot to train so much but as someone who habitually over schedules myself, we’ve had great quality time together.
-Training has been incorporated into all of the trips we’ve collectively been on since Jan 1^st. As a result we’ve seen parts of San Antonio, Nashville, Birmingham, Germany, Montreal, Chicago, & DC that we would never have otherwise.
-I may not have lost one single pound *and no I didn’t gain muscle cause my clothes still feel the same * but I also didn’t gain any more weight.
-I’ve fallen even more in love with Kevin at the amount of encouragement he’s given me.
-As bleak a picture of training as I may paint, it really is amazing. I feel like an absolute rockstar when I get back from our long days. I'm still holding down a solid 12.5 minute mile but I know I could have just as easily laid on the couch and binged on Rehab Addict. (Nicole Curtis is my girl crush) But we didn't. We got outside and made.it.happen.

Basically, thanks for walking alongside of us through this. It really does mean so much to feel loved and supported especially for something we inflicted on ourselves. If you follow me on Instagram, I guess you really didn't have a choice #CashsCrackAttaHalfIronman. Plenty of people have done these races. I'm sure it's not really as big of a deal as I'm making it but I just wanted to share my thoughts. It's a big deal to us.
Update:
We did it! We did the race and we both live to tell about it. It was everything we could have hoped for and more. I am writing this update a year later so some of the details are foggy but i can tell you that it was worth every drop of sweat we ever put into it. Enjoy some pictures below.

Our Cheerleaders :)

We felt so loved and supported. When I got my phone back after the race, there were tons of encouragement and well wishes waiting. I am not one to let notifications pile up, All these are new messages. My heart was full!

And of course a selfie with all the swag!

Years of Halloween

I've always wanted to make a compilation of my costumes through the years. Eat your heart out.

2005 - Partly Cloudy with a chance of showers

2007 - My Facebook Profile

 2008 - Bon Qui Qui...you know

2009 - Loofah (Back before EVERONE was a loofah)

2010 - Cuban Miner (you know, the year they all got stuck)

2011 - The Sun Drop Girl

2012 - Social Butterfly

2013 - Nemo

 

2013 - Jelly Fish

2014 - Mahem

 

2014 - Bags of Eminems and Eminem Minis

 2014 - That Red Dress Emoji Lady

 2014 - Selfie Absorbed

So anyway how exactly does one make an anemone costume? Well...

1) I started by cutting out some cardboard in the shape of a doughnut. Then I painted it pink and cut a line down the back so that I could slip it on sideways.

Isn't this look so slimming? Don't be fooled. I don't have a thighgap...

2) Buy like a hundred pink balloons off Amazon and use an air compressor to pump them up.

This is gonna take a while so make sure to turn on the latest episode of Downton Abbey.

3) Once you pump up a balloon and tie it off, twist it in the middle and staple directly into the cardboard(making sure not to puncture the balloon). It doesn't always grab so you may have to try a few times.

4) Try on your progress and get excited about how sick it's gonna look.

5) Pair it with "Kevin Bacon" and you'll be doing alriiiight.

Scratch 'n Dent

The following is what I sent our wedding photographer when she asked me to tell her a little about us (so that she could get to know us) Ha! Sorry Lesley. I later put it on our wedding website. I'm sure it's TMI but what's the point in keeping it to myself?


Get comfortable. I figure if I'm going to write this all down, I'm not leaving anything out.
Kevin and I met in December of 2006 outside of an REI Scratch and Dent sale. Back then, we used to camp out for these sales to get a chance at some great deals on outdoor equipment (tents, kayaks, hiking boots, backpacks, etc). We both love a good deal. Kevin came with some of his old college buddies which included a girl that I knew from my college, Kennesaw State. I was there with a bunch of Kennesaw friends. (Sidenote: he's 4 years older than me and was living in Atlanta with his real job while I was still packed into my college house with 5 other girls making awesome college memories doing awesome college things) We were definitely in different seasons of life. I had a boyfriend at the time but I knew it wasn't going anywhere. I thought Kevin was so cute so I kept him in my back pocket. For a long time we were nothing more than Facebook friends.

When I finally broke up with the other guy, Kevin and I started going on mountain biking rides together and lunches on the river. I think his friends probably told him that he had to start dating me. Eventually he asked me if he could take me out on a real date. We went on a few dates and I was really into him but it wasn't mutual. A month and a half in, he said "I'm having trouble seeing you as more than a friend." I'll never forget those words. I was sad but he'd never been anything but a gentleman so there were no hard feelings. If nothing else, I figured the purpose for meeting him was for God to show me what it was like to date a Godly man and lead me away from my ex-boyfriend. It wasn’t fun but I was ok with it. Kevin and I remained friends but of course I always wanted more. I never dated anyone else.

I moved to Colorado. Did some internships. We stayed in touch. When I moved beck home, we met up and had dinner. After that dinner, I sent him a reckless text that just said "I like you." Yes I know...real mature. But hey, what's a girl to do? That was January 2010. He never responded. Ha! Of course he didn't. I can laugh at it now.

Anyway. I'd been reading Redeeming Love for the 58th time and was feeling especially mushy. I wrote Kevin a Dear John letter. Basically saying “I like you a lot. This is why. Blah blah blah. If you like me, come and get it. If you don't, then please don't call me. We can't be friends anymore.” Yes it was harsh, but I knew he would honor my request. I wasn't looking for sweet words. I was looking for closure. I finished the letter, sat on it and prayed about it for about 2 weeks. Then put it in the mail at the beginning of February. He never called.

Okay I lied. Almost 2 years later he called. It was a Sunday night and I was watching a movie with my roommates. We’d paused the movie for a bathroom break (three girls...you know) when I noticed the voicemail. I had erased his number. I can remember joking saying to my roommates “Oh a missed call from an unknown number…must be a date.” When in reality I wasn’t dating anyone and had no interests. Once I heard the first few seconds I realized it was him and dropped the phone. I know I sound dramatic but I was shocked. My roommates later told me they thought someone had died. I said that it was Kevin and he wanted to get coffee. They knew all about him. I went back to the bathroom and threw up.

Pause: I'd bumped into him about 3 months earlier when I went on a mountain biking ride by myself. I didn't expect to see him and when I got back to my car in the parking lot he was riding his bike past my car, very clearly checking it out. He was there with a friend. I was done with my ride and rode up to my car…and him. What else am I going to do, turn back around and do another loop? We chatted for a few minutes. I could barely get my bike on my roof because my knees were shaking so much. I don’t know if he noticed. I'd had a bad day which was why I was at the trail by myself. When I drove home I remember thinking "Thanks God, cause that was the cherry on top of just a real bad day. Why did I have to see him?"

3 months later, I was visiting friends in Chattanooga over New Years. It was around 4am and I couldn’t sleep so I got on Facebook. He was on chat also. So I randomly messaged him...like an idiot. We made small talk for about an hour. Nothing deep. Finally I thought, I have to end this before he does. I just said “Hey I’m going to try to get back to sleep.” We left it at that. As soon as I closed my computer I thought “Why did I do that?” It was two years later and I still liked him.

Play: Sunday night January 15th 2012 is when he called and left the voicemail. He asked if we could get coffee somewhere and then said he would call me back tomorrow night if he didn’t hear back from me. The next day I went straight to my co-workers office and informed her not to make lunch plans because we needed to talk. Kim was a whole other story. The short of it was that she knew Kevin. I’d met her the first time he and I dated but she didn’t remember me. After starting my job, I quickly made the connection and after a few months of working there, I ended up telling her about Kevin and how I’d met her before. Her husband and Kevin were/are good friends.

When Kim and I had lunch that day I told her everything. How I’d bumped into him mountain biking and chatted with him on Facebook. She already knew everything. I remember saying to her “He obviously thinks that by me talking to him on Facebook, that I am over it and good to be friends again. Well I'm not and I DON’T want to get coffee with him.” To which she responded “Allison, I’ve been talking to him about this for a while and he doesn’t want to be your friend…” (Insert sigh here)

Did you just sigh? That’s awesome. Anyway, he called me back that Monday night like he said he would. We agreed on Land of 1000 Hills on the Chattahoochee that Thursday night. I didn’t eat or sleep the next 4 days. I’ve never reacted to stress like that before. I swear it was God’s way of helping me lose 5 pounds. Neither of us drinks coffee. He had a hot chocolate and I got a chai latte. He brought blankets because he thought it might get cold. I just wanted to meet somewhere that we could be outside. There was a lot to be said and I didn’t want the hipster sitting at the table next to us getting an ear full (like you are right now).

We talked for an hour or two. I basically said “Why would it be any different? What has changed? I can’t do all this again.” He presented a good argument. Said he’d been praying about it a long time. He knew it was a big deal. It was a big deal to both of us. He couldn’t make any guarantees but he wanted to give it another try. Blah blah blah. I’m a pushover and here we are.

Can I DIY? - Pallet Headboad

Well the boy I like (who from this post on will be referred to as Bama) has access to lots of pallets that are always up for grabs. Naturally, I'm gonna jump on that. I saw a wonderful headboard on Pinterest that I wanted to replicate.

I got to work pulling apart some of the pallets that he brought home.

Select the boards you like, then measure them the correct length for your bed size. I had to saw down some of my boards to make them fit. This was also helpful since some had imperfections or were splitting, yet still had lots of character.

Screw in the back support with a thin board on each side.

Then, go away to camp for a week, and maybe the boy you like will sand it down and come put it up in your bedroom with  the aid of one of your sneeky roommates :)

I still have plans to paint something on it like in the Pinterest picture, just haven't gotten around to it yet. I am thinking the quote for Pride and Prejudice... "I love you, most ardently" Ohhhhhh Mr. Darcy gets me every time.

I also have plans to make some new throw pillows. I bought these freshman yr. of college for my "cool" college apartment and then mom oil painted the picture above to match them. The pillows are getting pretty worn. I love my duvet cover too. I'll brag for a sec. I tie dyed it myself! Rubberbanded that thing till my fingers bled.

More on my bedroom to come!