My tricks to faking it when flying.

I am currently umpteen thousand feet above Kansas on a hella bumpy airplane. Lord have some mercy. Feels like I’m on a coaster at Six Flags. But if someone takes my pic and tries to sell it to me like they do on those rides, they’re getting a punch to the throat. I figured I’d let you into my world in hopes that the Good Lord lands this plane on a runway in 1 hour and 53 minutes (according to my stopwatch) so you can hear all my sage wisdom. The following suggestions are time tested and limit my Kristen Wiig/Bridesmaid moments.

#1. Pray the rosary before take-off.  J/k I don’t do that / no judgement. But I do pray before every flight. You know it’s been a minute since some of you guys have prayed, so it’s probably a good idea anyway.

B) As take-off begins, start rocking your head left to right. I am dead serious. You can do this in turbulence also. It’s a great way to keep from feeling every bump or change in G-force. People behind you will think you are listening to the most boring song ever.

4. Which leads me to number 4. Listen to music. LISTEN TO IT LOUD. I used to get so freaked out with every crazy sound. Maybe it’s the luggage door opening (good thing I didn’t check a bag). Maybe it’s a landing wheel flying off. Maybe one of those spinning things just sucked up a bird. I don’t wonder any of those things anymore BECAUSE I CAN’T HEAR THEM OVER RIHANNA OR P.O.D.

#4. Look around and notice you are the only one freaking out. Kevin taught me this one. Don’t be THAT person. Everyone else is fine. Other passengers-fine. Flight attendants-fine. Your Neighbor-fine. So just be.cool.

P) Also, hold tight to some scripture. Here are some starters on “worry” I like to tell myself. You can look them up yourself...on your next flight…
-Matthew 7:33-34
-1 Peter 5:7
-Philippians 4:4-7
-Luke 12:25-26

Helpful hint: If you are an arm rest grabber then maybe give your neighbor a heads up. I have grabbed the hand of a complete stranger before when he came between me and MY armrest.  Usually they feel bad for you and are happy to oblige. I have to warn you, if you tell someone you don't like to fly, they're gonna give you that crap about how much easier it is to die in the car on the way to the airport. IIIII Knoooooow. Anyway, you grab those arm rests, close your eyes and you fly.that.plane. This method also keeps Chatty Cathys at bay. You’re welcome

Something to note…
 I used to get so mad at pilots who fly in trash. "Yes Hi, if it feels like I’m driving a stick shift down a bumpy dirt road in south Georgia, then go up or down and get out of this elevation cause it ain’t workin for ya!" Apparently there are regulations on certain elevations at certain times and they can’t go up or down. Whatev. It sounds stupid to me but that’s just what I heard. So maybe the awful air is their only option. Ooooor maybe the pilots are in there jackin around, laughin it up all “This turbulence is fun. Let’s hang around a minute longer” {fist bumps other pilot}

In the end, if the plane goes down (I hope not over water) it was all in God’s plan. He knew it was going to happen before you were ever born. #truth

Until next time,
Please enjoy this flight….but probably you won’t

Mom's 1980 wedding dress in 2014

Growing up, I didn't really know what I wanted my wedding dress to look like. As an adult, I loved Kate Middleton's dress and didn't love strapless(or maybe just the idea of pulling up a dress all night). The closer I came to needing to pick out a dress the more I thought I could make my mom's wedding dress from 34 years ago work. I tried on dresses at one store. You know, just for the experience. Let me tell you how much fun that was when you're a few sizes bigger than the sample sizes. Plus, the dress I "built" b/c they didn't sell sleeved dresses looked exactly like what I was imagining my mom's dress could turn out to be. This was all before TLC made a show out of upcycling old dresses but after that sister in 27 Dresses destroyed Katherine Heigl's hopes of ever wearing her mom's dress. So after convincing my mom(she wasn't a fan of the idea since she didn't see how I could turn her dress into something I'd actually want to wear) we started pulling ideas off Pinterest.
These sleeves - That back - This fullness - Let's Demo

The following is a heavily photographed play-by-play of my experience.

#1 Try on dress for some good laughs. Did I mention my mom is 7 inches SHORTER and was about 8 sizes SMALLER? Not annnywhere close to zipping up in the back.  

#2 Steam steam steam out those wrinkles. My mom had stored it in a black trash bag in the attic?? Good Lawd Steaming it stunk up the whole house! At this point, we send off the dress to get dry cleaned because the smell was so bad and not going anywhere. 

Mom headed to Gail K Fabrics in ATL. They sell all sorts of fabrics. We tried to find the closest thing to the old french Chantilly lace used on her dress. She said they had it stored in shoeboxes in the store! I'm so sad I didn't get to go with her. Apparently it was a really neat place. I was busy cutting wine bottle in half for table decor. Details. Anyway, she got the lace that matched-ish, to add width and satin & silk organza to add length. Ok, now stay with me...

Fitting 1: Add satin band around waist / remove sweetheart bust and make straight across / take the bell out of the sleves / add lace under arms for a wider chest / and open up the back since we all know that dress ain't nevah gonna zip

Look closely - a few inches of new(old) lace under each arm for chest width. It didn't match perfectly but no one ever noticed...or at least they didn't tell me. Either one I'm fine with :)

Next Fitting: Remove more bell in the sleeves / finalize back of dress / add length @ the bottom w/more fabric mom found to match the 34-yr-old silk organza

There was another fitting in there somewhere but I don't remember what it was for. In the end, I added a crinoline skirt and decided not to use my mom's train(although I sort-of now wish I had but oh well) Sometimes I can't believe how great it turned out. I didn't do it to save money, but that was a perk, so we also got a 2nd dress off the rack for the end of the reception dancing. LOOOOOK HOW IT TWIRLS DUH!

  

Please excuse my narcissistic hat, but not Kevin's dance moves...

Here are a few more shots...

OH and don't forget to take your Christmas card on your wedding day! Muahaha

Thanks for the dress Mom and for marring her, Dad!